Archive for April, 2006
saba7 w masa. shi ma beyntasa….
I can say with a very clear conscience that [until I was almost 18] at least 20% of my whole serious reading was done in the toilet.
If you’re not in total shock by now, then you obviously have never given my toilet a visit. [back home ofcourse].
Bloodshed. In the name of everything “holy”… God, Homeland and Freedom.
Welcome to the middle east.
It doesn’t matter how much of a globally-concerened person you are, it doesn’t matter how much u feel that this planet is ur house, that it’s our house.
There will always be this room, this room that’s urs, not urs as much as you’re hers. This one part of human kind history that u know better than any one else, and that’s why it holds such a special meaning to u, this one place where ur memories will lead, a place of feeligs, a place which holds that special taste of the firsts…
Everything is relative, well, not EVERYthing, let’s just say, this world is relative…
The more u fall in love with the planet, the more and more u fall in love with this place. it’s a relative equation, They’re not 2 things, they’re one Again, only when u look at it from up above.
Starting from that very bed in ur bedroom, the stairs, the feeling of confidence that u know where every street leads to, the pictures posted in ur head, on every corner, the familiarity, ur own traces, back to the very feelings of chauvinism about everything around u, the same kind of chauvinism u feel for being a human being…
I’m not sure exactly why we feel so proud of this day, we haven’t actually earned it ourseleves, nor did we prove to have deserved it.
But it doesn’t matter what’s politically correct, you see. Not today.
60 Years since April 17th, 1946.
أنت كلمة معناها أنا
عندما أحببتك توقف عالمي عن الدوران
و أخترق الصمت الكلام
لم يعد هناك داع للكلام
في ليل صامت عايشت فيه حلمك امن في عرينك
علمتني كيف يكون الانسان أنسان…
يجمع القدر روحين
و يتأمر ضدهما العالم…
أتلك هي الحقيقة
رأيت دموعي بيعينيك
I:m in a G-rated class. [classes are rated from A-H, where A are the ones who scored the less on the japanese language aptitude test, and H is the highest]. The aptitude test is actually not about how much japanese u know, it’s about ur ability to understand the language structure, and to cope with it, and how fast u can do it.
That’s the “good” news.
The bad news are, I’m the idiot of the class, cuz everybody seems so “japanese language expert” they all know both Hiragana and Katakana, while i donno shit. and since we’re G-rated, the teachers dont say a word in english, leaving me “metl al-atrash belzaffeh”. just staring in idiocy. listening to background noise that seems to have actuall meaning for everybody else.
I’m feeling like the time I fucked up in Mikhael’s physics class in bakaloria [ask maad about it ya3ni]. ALL DAY. when it’s my turn, I just open the books of meaningless hard to draw shapes and I freez. the teachers are still kind enough to just smile and repeate what seems like 101 japanese.
It’s been a while since I felt this stupid. Since I couldnt grasp a SINGLE info through 5hrs of classes everyday.
We start learning Kanji next week. for those of u not familiar with KANJI. check the table below. this is one part of the Kanjis we’re supposes to have by the end of this year.
I just did the scholarship web registration thing. and it seems that they’ve “misspelled” my name in every paper in japan.
“Misspelled” is the real and proper mathematical equivalant of “Fucked up my week”, cuz now I have to do all the paperwork all over again. lovely.
Other than that, I’m all perfect.
I just finished reading Muhammad MAGHOUT’s latest book.. “East of Eden, West of God… – شرق عدن، غرب الله…”… all I know is that I have to talk about it.. I have to say sth.. the only problem is that I can’t… I wish i had the ability to describe feelings, paint them.. I can’t.. I can only scream them out.. this bitterness that rolls all over u when reading this book.. bitterness is the keyword for this compilation… I donno… the only ppl who would realy understand what I’m talking about.. is those who had read his “I Will Betray My Country – سأخون وطني”…
أيها الوطن الغارق في التفاهات
لن أنقذك مهما كان عندي من وسائل
فلطالما أسأتَ إليَ
من الرأس حتى أسفل القدم
حرمتني رؤية النجوم
وحتى النوم على الرصيف
كنت تدفعني دفعاً
بجبالك وسهولك وثرواتك
والآن تريد أن أنظف ما تحتك وفوقك من خراب
وقد حذرتك مراراً
بأن الزمن ليس ساعة حول معصمك
أو قبعة على رأسك
أو سوطاً بيدك
أو حاجباً أمام مكتبك
ليس عندي وقت أضيعه فعندي موعد هام
ومصابة بالإيدز والزهايمر.
Only words like these can actually take ur mind off what’s going on.. can actually make u forget that Samir QASIR was blown off last week, that someone like Naji al-ALI isn’t safe with his pen, that Major General Mustafa TLAS is talking in his diaries about his top of the line sterility treatment, that Mr. Saber FALHOUT is demanding the abolishment of the “Emergency Law” that he himself announced 42 years ago.. that the same ppl who were responsible for the Tadmur masacre are now the angels of democracy and reform…
All I want.. is to be able to breathe, I just… when I have my asthma fit, I wanna be able to open the window and actually BREATHE!! I wanna breathe…I don’t wanna be afraid to show how much I love this land!! IS THAT TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK?!!!!
*The text is titled “A Treason Draft – مشروع خيانة” from the “East of Eden, West of God… – شرق عدن، غرب الله…” book..
Syria is still a dictatorship.
Earth is still a cruel place.
Humans have yet to find their humanity.
and Maghout died…
In the aiport.
I’m in love, I believe in an us, I have the best friends that will love me no matter what, I have a future to work on. I’m a happy person.
I love this land.